IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
