and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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