Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
