what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
