Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
