sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
