if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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