I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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