i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
