let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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