So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
