The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
