just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
