I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
