im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
