it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
