I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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