There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
