did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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