My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
