its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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