.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
