I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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