We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
