so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
