Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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