This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
