My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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