she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
