the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
