my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
