Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
