Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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