i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am available for nakedness
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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