Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
