I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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