I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My penis needs a shock collar
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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