So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
