Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
