UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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