We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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