It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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