these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
