it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i love accidental penises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
