you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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