it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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