2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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