dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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