i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
