i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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