had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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