oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
