don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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