you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
