i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
